The Facial Hair Crisis of 2014: a Classification

coffeeinallcaps:

coffeeinallcaps:

Stage #1, or “fill me up Buttercup”— please note qualification for this stage requires either a) a cleanly shaven look or b) the faintest hint of stubble:

Stage #2a, or “we might have an opening for you down south but mostly because your eyes look unbelievably pretty (see also x and x) and I keep getting distracted by your hands and the angle obscures your neck beard”:

Stage #2b, or “okay FINE”:

Stage #3, or “you look like you subsist on weed and beer and haven’t showered in three weeks but I’d probably still suck your dick if you asked nicely”:

Stage #4, or “wispy upper lip fur is reaching worrying levels of pornstache; neck beard is strongly reminiscent of pubic hair; abort mission, I repeat, abort mission”:

UPDATE:

WE ARE BACK AT STAGE FILL ME UP BUTTERCUP

REJOICE